Dialogues in Self Discovery

I am happy to share the following discussion questions for The Guru Next Door:

1.    How does the unhappiness of the people in Annie’s life affect how she sees the world and herself?  What are they teaching her about herself and her role in their own unhappiness?   Can Annie avoid following in their footsteps?

2.   Why was Annie’s relationship with Bruce so transformative for her?  What is Bruce teaching her that is so essential to her ability to be happy?  Did you ever know a person in your life who helped you see the world in a completely different way?  How did it change your life?

3.   How did Bruce’s teachings affect you?  What did you like about them and what troubled you?  Did it affect the way you think about happiness and unhappiness?

4.   A key theme is the book is the ability to be happy regardless of our history and circumstances.  We see Annie making choices to think differently from her family members.  What are some of these choices?  Did they inspire you?  Was there a cost to Annie in thinking differently than her family?

5.   Annie loves her mother tremendously in spite of all her frailities. We see Annie showing true compassion even when her mother abandons her.  How does Annie explain her love for her mother?   How did you feel about it?  

6.   When Annie tries to break away from her mother, she keeps getting drawn back in.  With the help of Bruce’s teachings, Annie finds the understanding she needs to go her own way.  What did she understand about her mother and herself that gave her this freedom?

7.    In learning about the Option Method, did you see possibilities for how you could be happier in your own life? 

8.   In the book, God and happiness are closely related.  What’s the connection that Bruce makes between God and happiness? Did you like this way of thinking?

9.   Death, and other kinds of loss, are prominent themes throughout the book.  What does the story tell us about death and loss and its impact on our lives?  How did the different characters in the book deal with these issues? What were the key differences? Do you think it is significant that the author chose to start and end the book with Bruce’s death?

10.               Why do you think the author chose a child to tell Bruce’s story and illustrate his teachings?  Did Annie’s journey make you think about your own childhood and how it could have been different?  How so?

One of the most powerful questions when it comes to becoming a happier person is Why?  Why am I unhappy?   Just questioning unhappiness is the first step to being free of it.  But the way we question has everything to do with the answers we may get.  Why is so often an accusatory question.  Why am I unhappy? can often mean: What is wrong with me?  To help yourself to be a happier person, harness the power of Why by infusing the question with love and acceptance.  Know that you are not wrong to be unhappy.  Ask why with the innocence of a child.  You will be amazed what you will discover!  Wendy Dolber, author, The Guru Next Door, A Teacher’s Legacy.

Have you ever experienced feeling almost happy, almost content, almost at peace?  When everything seems fine, but there’s a nagging feeling that something is lurking around the corner?   Often that feeling of something lurking is our belief that we have to be constantly vigilant that something “bad” might happen if we don’t watch out.  And it is not an accident that this belief might pop up just as we are feeling good.  For some of us, it is our way of putting the brakes on happiness – just in case.  We believe we need to worry to avoid “bad” things happening in the future.  Consider this.  There is a difference between being vigilant and worrying about “bad” things happening.  We can be joyously vigilant and look under every rock and around every corner to avoid problems.  But if we are defining “bad” things as things that will by definition make us unhappy, what are we saying about our our happiness and unhappiness?  We are saying that there are things we will have to be unhappy about – that there are things that will prevent us from being happy.  So observe yourself this week to see if you are joyously vigilant or worrying that “bad” things are coming your way and threatening your happiness.  You are the only one who can make this choice for you.  Namaste!  Wendy Dolber, Option Method Teacher, author, The Guru Next Door, A Teacher’s Legacy.

We’ve been hearing a lot about the magnificent Philippe Petit this past week.  As you may have heard, the documentary “Man on Wire” based on his life, won an Academy Award for best documentary.  I wondered as I heard him speak about his life and his famous walk between the World Trade towers in 1974, how he deals with the idea that any false step could plummet him to the earth below.  Scott Simon of NPR helped me out on this by asking Mr. Petit this very question in a recent interview.  I was delighted with his answer and the implications for our happiness.  He said simply that he turns that question mark into an exclamation point.  What a wonderful testament to the power of choice in the way we see the world. 

Some of us, even when we are firm ground, imagine our lives as a tightrope.  We are constantly thinking about the possibility of slipping and falling rather than experiencing the joy of moving forward.  Think about the question marks you have about moving forward and how you can turn them into exclamation points.