Dialogues in Self Discovery

I had the wonderful experience yesterday of finding something I needed right under my nose. I was noodling around trying to come up with a visual for my new Option Method site – OptionForHappiness. As I often do, I grabbed the dog and we walked and walked in the park down the road. There’s a big field with a path round it that also leads to other paths. As we rounded it again and again, my mind was playing images of all the possibilities of what might work. Choice, choice in your own life, for your own happiness, I was thinking. The option to choose what you believe, to take the path you choose, etc., etc. My mind flipped through all the possibilities of artists who could create something special, or photos I had seen here and there, but of what, I wasn’t sure. So many possibilities! As I often do when I’m walking, I stopped and reminded myself to look outward, enjoy the scenery - look at what is right in front of me: the gorgeous just-blooming trees, the bright green of the open field, the dogs, people, bikes, strollers, the fork in the road. Another fork in the road. Another fork with a big beautiful tree in bloom right in the middle. If the tree could talk, it might have said, “Um, excuse me, over here, over here.” And I finally actually saw it. And realized how perfect it would be. A fork in the road – a little trite – ok, probably very trite – but so beautiful and right there in front of me. And I realized it didn’t mean that was the best choice.  I don’t always have to, or want to, choose what is right in front of me, but I love how so often we find our answers so effortlessly.   How in a world rich with information, images, posssibilities, we use our bodies and our senses and our amazing minds to zero in on what we love.  To decide. 
To choose.  To move on down the road.

Dialogues in Self Discovery is pleased to announce our new monthly donation program. We will donate up to 100 books per month to a Not-for-Profit. Please apply with an email to discoveroption@aol.com.

My yoga teacher, Jyoti Chrystal, left us on Saturday, after a noble fight with an aggressive cancer.  As she did every day of her life, Jyoti taught us about how to live grounded in our being – cancer or no cancer.    I first met Jyoti more than a decade ago when a friend brought me to her studio.  I was well into my forties when I found that my back was suddenly starting to spasm.  I needed help.  That yoga class was the beginning of what is now a solid ten-year practice.  Jyoti was the founder of Starseed Yoga, the crown jewel of the yoga community here in Montclair, New Jersey.  After a couple of years taking classes there, I decided to enroll in their teacher training program.  I wanted to learn as much as I could from this extraordinary woman.   I’m so glad to have had that opportunity – so grateful to have JyotiMa infuse my yoga practice with her grace and spirit.  One of the things I loved about Jyoti was the tremendous energy she brought to expanding yoga in our community.  She wasn’t just teaching asanas; she was teaching a way of being; a way of life.   So many of us benefitted from the enormous commitment she made to let the spirit of yoga flow through her to us.  Namaste, Jyoti.  The light in me honors the light in you.  Always.

The Kindle edition of The Guru Next Door is now available.  Find it at www.Amazon.com.

We’ve been hearing a lot about the magnificent Philippe Petit this past week.  As you may have heard, the documentary “Man on Wire” based on his life, won an Academy Award for best documentary.  I wondered as I heard him speak about his life and his famous walk between the World Trade towers in 1974, how he deals with the idea that any false step could plummet him to the earth below.  Scott Simon of NPR helped me out on this by asking Mr. Petit this very question in a recent interview.  I was delighted with his answer and the implications for our happiness.  He said simply that he turns that question mark into an exclamation point.  What a wonderful testament to the power of choice in the way we see the world. 

Some of us, even when we are firm ground, imagine our lives as a tightrope.  We are constantly thinking about the possibility of slipping and falling rather than experiencing the joy of moving forward.  Think about the question marks you have about moving forward and how you can turn them into exclamation points.

Have you ever experienced feeling almost happy, almost content, almost at peace?  When everything seems fine, but there’s a nagging feeling that something is lurking around the corner?   Often that feeling of something lurking is our belief that we have to be constantly vigilant that something “bad” might happen if we don’t watch out.  And it is not an accident that this belief might pop up just as we are feeling good.  For some of us, it is our way of putting the brakes on happiness – just in case.  We believe we need to worry to avoid “bad” things happening in the future.  Consider this.  There is a difference between being vigilant and worrying about “bad” things happening.  We can be joyously vigilant and look under every rock and around every corner to avoid problems.  But if we are defining “bad” things as things that will by definition make us unhappy, what are we saying about our our happiness and unhappiness?  We are saying that there are things we will have to be unhappy about – that there are things that will prevent us from being happy.  So observe yourself this week to see if you are joyously vigilant or worrying that “bad” things are coming your way and threatening your happiness.  You are the only one who can make this choice for you.  Namaste!  Wendy Dolber, Option Method Teacher, author, The Guru Next Door, A Teacher’s Legacy.

One of the most powerful questions when it comes to becoming a happier person is Why?  Why am I unhappy?   Just questioning unhappiness is the first step to being free of it.  But the way we question has everything to do with the answers we may get.  Why is so often an accusatory question.  Why am I unhappy? can often mean: What is wrong with me?  To help yourself to be a happier person, harness the power of Why by infusing the question with love and acceptance.  Know that you are not wrong to be unhappy.  Ask why with the innocence of a child.  You will be amazed what you will discover!  Wendy Dolber, author, The Guru Next Door, A Teacher’s Legacy.

I am happy to share the following discussion questions for The Guru Next Door:

1.    How does the unhappiness of the people in Annie’s life affect how she sees the world and herself?  What are they teaching her about herself and her role in their own unhappiness?   Can Annie avoid following in their footsteps?

2.   Why was Annie’s relationship with Bruce so transformative for her?  What is Bruce teaching her that is so essential to her ability to be happy?  Did you ever know a person in your life who helped you see the world in a completely different way?  How did it change your life?

3.   How did Bruce’s teachings affect you?  What did you like about them and what troubled you?  Did it affect the way you think about happiness and unhappiness?

4.   A key theme is the book is the ability to be happy regardless of our history and circumstances.  We see Annie making choices to think differently from her family members.  What are some of these choices?  Did they inspire you?  Was there a cost to Annie in thinking differently than her family?

5.   Annie loves her mother tremendously in spite of all her frailities. We see Annie showing true compassion even when her mother abandons her.  How does Annie explain her love for her mother?   How did you feel about it?  

6.   When Annie tries to break away from her mother, she keeps getting drawn back in.  With the help of Bruce’s teachings, Annie finds the understanding she needs to go her own way.  What did she understand about her mother and herself that gave her this freedom?

7.    In learning about the Option Method, did you see possibilities for how you could be happier in your own life? 

8.   In the book, God and happiness are closely related.  What’s the connection that Bruce makes between God and happiness? Did you like this way of thinking?

9.   Death, and other kinds of loss, are prominent themes throughout the book.  What does the story tell us about death and loss and its impact on our lives?  How did the different characters in the book deal with these issues? What were the key differences? Do you think it is significant that the author chose to start and end the book with Bruce’s death?

10.               Why do you think the author chose a child to tell Bruce’s story and illustrate his teachings?  Did Annie’s journey make you think about your own childhood and how it could have been different?  How so?

I saw a review of The Guru Next Door recently where the writer praised the book, but questioned why Bruce Di Marsico didn’t overcome bad health.  What a wonderful question!!! While they left the door open for perhaps that wasn’t what was important to him, it brings up a key question about happiness.  For those of you who have not read Guru, Bruce Di Marsico, creator of the Option Method, died in his early 50’s after losing the battle with heart disease, diabetes and other things.  Having known him for 25 years and seen him through his illness and death, I have to say that I never asked the question.  I’m not sure he gave it any serious consideration either. He was focussed on Perfect Happiness, not Perfect Health.  He knew that he didn’t have to be unhappy because of his struggles (which, by the way, he did not see as struggles – he saw it as nature).  And his struggles were truly difficult.   He never deviated from his message of the possibility of happiness no matter what.  Why?  Because there is so much more power in that simple truth, than in possibly harnessing our happiness to overcoming everything we don’t want in our lives.    Why limit what happiness can do?  To say, if I am happy, I will be healthy, is a judgment that I don’t want to make.  I would say, rather, that if I am happy, I am happy and I will want what I want.  Perfect health might be part of that or it might not.  Right now I have a cold.  I thought, I wonder if I can get rid of my cold now instead of waiting.  A funny thing happened.  Nothing changed.  But I got in touch with something.  I didn’t really care.  Perhaps if I really wanted the cold to heal instantly it would.  I couldn’t really create that desire.  It simply was not in me.  So if I were truly happy, would I have wanted that?  To say that I would, is to limit the power of happiness.  I don’t say what happiness is, what it can do, can’t do.  I don’t say what happiness creates.  It is what it is.  The teacher, if you will.  Bruce was sick and died.  Was he happy?  What difference does it really make to my happiness?  That is the real question for me.   I wouldn’t want to judge him because he died and miss out on the powerful message he spent his life sharing:  Nothing can make us unhappy.  That is the message of the Option Method.   Right now, I am truly happy – let’s see what happens next!!!!

Wayne Dyer has just released a wonderful new movie called Ambition to Meaning (www.ambitiontomeaning.com) , which premiered in NYC January 5th.  You can get the dvd on the website. If you want to experience something truly groundbreaking and inspiring, please treat yourself to a copy and tell everyone you know.  The movie does a phenomenal job in demonstrating how magic happens when we stop relying on external forces to shape our existence and go with our natural connection to source (read happiness, the divine, God, or whatever word has meaning for you).  

Ambition to Meaning really hit the nail on the head for me.  Starting work on my new book, I really understood once more, how crucial it is to connect with your source.  For me, it is always the truth about happiness – that happiness is our natural state and that nothing has the power to make us unhappy.

I went to the premiere to meet Wayne and give him a copy of The Guru Next Door.  You never know how these things will go, but I knew that it was a perfect opportunity.  I have had a strong feeling for some time that I wanted to connect with him.   His work in the last few years has resonated strongly with me.  He is really an example of authenticity in action.  I love watching him.  

 I do everything I can think of to get the word out about The Guru Next Door.  One of the things I did early on was to request testimonials from people I admire, especially people who know about Option Method.  That’s how I got Joe Vitale and Michael Neill to endorse the book.  But, as you can imagine, I got more rejections or non replys than endorsements.  Not a problem.  I just keep on, keeping on, as my big sister Leslie, loves to say.  

So, with book in hand, already inscribed for Wayne, I showed up.  And there he was, surrounded by people. But even so, he was completely assessible.  He was there to connect - bless him.  So I walked up to him and said exactly what I wanted to say.  He listened as if he had all the time in the world, was so receptive and cordial, I just wanted to hug him.  I refrained, of course.  I hugged myself, instead, for giving myself the supreme pleasure of going after what I want. 

Dr Dyer has put forth a tremendous effort to share his vision and make it understandable to as many people as possible.  That’s the way we change the world. Check it out and pass the word along.  In the midst of so much bad news, let’s pass along some good news.  We have everything we need to be our perfect selves!